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MAN CATCHES COMPUTER VIRUS!

From the highly reliable newspaper, Weekly World News:

MAN CATCHES COMPUTER VIRUS!

Bizarre illness jamming up his brain waves!

Caption: SICK COMPUTER passed on a bizarre virus to programmer John Stevens, above, after it became ill from an infected software program.

By Michael Todd, Special Correspondent, {Weekly World News}, 18 June 1991

John Stevens has a lot in common with his home computer: Both think logically, both like numbers and both are sick with a virus - the same virus! Stevens, a computer programmer who works out of his home in a Philadelphia suburb, is convinced his lingering and debilitating illness is something he got >from his sick computer. And the victim's doctor agrees. "I've run every test I can think of to trace the origin of his illness," said Dr. Mark Fordland. "He has a virus, but it's not like any virus I've ever seen."

Stevens, 32, said his computer began to show signs of a virus - a software program designed to eat up an destroy other software data - about a week before he got sick. "I was careless about borrowing software programs from other people I didn't know well," Stevens admits.

Dr. Fordland, himself a computer expert, agrees. "Borrowing software programs from friends and strangers is like having sex with someone you don't know well. When you sleep with someone, you sleep with everyone they've ever slept with. When you borrow someone's software program, you're connected to everyone who's ever used that program." Dr. Fordland concludes that Stevens' symptoms are identical to that of a software virus' attack on a computer. "Stevens has become forgetful, like something is eating up his memory, his data. He has less and less energy. He can't hold onto thoughts. Even an EEG (electroencephalogram) of his brain waves keeps changing. It's becoming more and more erratic. "This virus could just eat him up until his mind is a blank and he's like a vegetable," the doctor said.

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